Hi Danson,
I've watched up to 1' 19" but thought it best to stop to air my critique thus far.
The editing is too much. Way too much. It's cut like a music video. Way too quick, and the jumping back and forth between two different mid shots is very strange. If these cuts have been put in to cut the dialogue then I'd insert some cutaways instead.
The other jarring thing for me was that your two mid shots of the lady near the beginning crosses the line. One mid is on the left side of her face, the other mid shot on the right.
So far, from what I've seen I'd say:
• Stick to one shot of the lady instead of crossing the line to the other mid shot
• stay longer in each subsequent shot of the man that follows and when you cut to the other shot, punch in tighter so it doesn't seem like we're going from mid to mid, and / or intercut some cutaways if you're cutting is due to dialogue problems.
Just my 2c of course. Feel free to discard as you feel is necessary. :-)
Cheers,
Mark.
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